I know you’re all waiting with bated breath! Yes, I’m making some changes to this blog. Why? Mostly because I’m scaling back on freelance work for now and want to focus on a few other things. Namely, anything other than freelancing/journalism right now (more on that below).
This change was really born out of the realization last week that I was whiling away too much time on the Internet doing…nothing. I mean, yes, I was using the Internet for research or reporting while I worked on actual freelance assignments, but the fact is, I was spending WAY too much time zonked out on Twitter. I’d look up from my screen after hours spent scrolling through my phone in a dead-eyed stupor only to find the world darkening around me (now literally at 4 p.m. because winter is the worst!!!) and my dog staring at me, her eyes knitted with concern (she has very expressive eyebrows, okay).
Part of the reason for my sudden uptick in screen time was that I was laid off seven months ago. This was the second time in three years, the first being in 2016 when the women’s lifestyle site I worked for shuttered suddenly. That time, almost the entire staff was let go. This time, I was laid off in a company restructuring, but I was the only person on the editorial team let go. This time, it felt a little more personal. This time, it’s been harder to get out of bed in the morning, if I’m being honest. (I understand that while this may be a sad story, to me, at least, it’s not an unusual one right now – the journalism industry is hemorrhaging jobs every day; I’m far from the only person who’s lost her job).
Part of that is because after eight years of throwing Internet shit at the wall and seeing what goes viral, I’m burned out as hell. Every nerve in my body feels wired, but not in a good way – like I’m crackling with a kind of pent-up energy but when I try to distribute it successfully, I end up burned…and exhausted. For the past few months, I haven’t been sleeping or eating very well, nor have I been a very good freelance writer. I’ve taken assignments enthusiastically only to lose interest halfway through and struggle to drag them over the finish line in time to meet my deadline. I’ve struggled to pitch original ideas and fresh perspectives on old subjects. I’ve barely made any money at all. Then one day, I just woke up with one thought skipping through my head on repeat: No more. .
Okay, okay…what does all of this have to do with this post I’m writing? Why am I actually starting a blog in the year of our lord 2019, arguably five years after the death of blogging?? (Am I a masochist or am I just dumb? Stay tuned!). I guess the answer is this: Writing, one of the only things I’ve ever loved, one of the only things i’ve ever thought I was any good at, hasn’t been fun lately. Like, at all. And I hate that! I used to love sitting down to write something new. I used to love talking to people, asking them questions, hearing their stories. I used to love pitching new ideas. I used to LIVE for trolling the Internet for hot takes on viral memes (what do they all mean??). But somewhere between the first layoff and the second, it all just stopped being fulfilling or meaningful in any way.
I guess this blog is an attempt to remind myself why I started writing in the first place. It’ll be a place for fun stuff I’m enjoying right now – books, recipes, life hacks, looking at beautiful wedding invitations designed on handmade paper (seriously, look at this gorgeous stationery) – anything that’s sparking a little joy in my life right now the way freelancing just…wasn’t. To be honest, I don’t know where this blog will end up – but I’m excited to find out what I may discover along the way.